We all love a good Instagram feed. They inspire us to be better, look for the beauty in the world, and throw a sh*t-ton of filters on our photos of avo-toast. But some themes weren’t meant for mere mortals. Here are the aesthetics of the Instaworld that are certified #instagood but also #instahellnoidonthavetimeforthat.
1. The White-Out
Kiss drunken selfies good-bye. There’s no way you’ll find a bright white wall and appropriate lighting at 1:20AM. Trying to wish your mom a happy birthday? You better hope that girl has a photo of herself in all black, staring intently at the ground while standing in front of a white wall.
2. The Forever Vacation
Glorious sunset, tanning with a monkey, redundant pool in front of ocean… all in the past week. The Forever Vacation aesthetic is not for the faint of heart (or wallet).
3. The Pastel
Do you find yourself in vast open spaces with a friend who’s willing to stand back one hundred feet while you tousle your hair? Do you always seem to be looking up right as a plane flies by the moon? Then this aesthetic is for you. But if you’re a rego person with no friends and too stressed to enjoy the beauty around you, move along.
4. The Bigger Picture
Leave it to Will Smith’s progeny to make us feel crappy and unrefined with our one photo posts. Jaden understands that to make an impact you need to post a photo three times. Or once but in the middle of two blank photos that garner over 20,000 likes each. It looks easy, but just remember — you have to keep posting photos in threes or else your older photos will get all messed up.
5. The Brb While I Upload This to Photoshop, Edit It, Then Email It To Myself
This aesthetic takes the Insta out of Instagram. But who ever said Instagram was meant to share photos of daily life with friends? It’s so clearly meant to launch millennials into a career as a “social media influencer” and “design curator”.
6. The Moody Mugs
Someone with less imagination would call this theme “minimalist”, but we go the extra mile for you. This theme is centered around the angsty, passive-aggressive mug. It can be a coffee mug, a wine glass, heck even a candle. But it’s a container of some kind that has deep-rooted resentments stemming from a dark childhood. Check out some moody mugs:
7. The Thrill-Seeker
You: Hey bud, what’s up?
Them: Nbd, just hanging on top of a skyscraper. Hbu?
The dangling over a tall building scares us, yes, but what scares us even more is disobeying authority in order to scamper up to the top of the building. What if a for-hire security guard catches us and tells us to leave? WHAT IF?!
8. The I-Live-In-A-Katy-Perry-Music-Video
Come on, where does this girl live? Definitely not in any version of reality I’m aware of. Have you ever seen a unicorn balloon? Or a fuschia-pink poodle? The in-your-face happiness of this aesthetic only reinforces how pathetic and alone I am.
What Instagram aesthetic is too time-consuming for you to attempt? (Even if you secretly try for like three posts using all your VSCO skills before giving up because your account still only has thirty-four followers. We feel you.) Hit me up on Twitter @AndiHester!